Today is a beautiful day... I'm in warm clothes in a cosy & pretty lil' house, while the world outside is covered with snow n filled with dazzling sun shine. Oh~ how i love being indoors in the winter.
I have been feeling depressed and sick these two weeks. Severe back ache that i couldn't bend to take things from the floor, heart wrenching sadness from the financial issues as I struggled to pay next semester school fees/dorms/meal plan, without any help from back home. I wept, I laughed and i went crazy. My heart has never been more downcast recently. And i even finally asked for help back home, which i know it is highly impossible. The ordeals of coming from a poor family...
Then JM took a loan for me, but he said that even with loan, it wasn't enough to cover much too. And we prayed harder. I cried. And i was weak spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. I moaned. I was trodden and out. I groaned.
"God, are u listening?!"
Then my sister told me she has been praying for me for 2 weeks straight. And she is gathering closer friends and family to pray for me too. Oh how we persevered in prayer...And God came.
I asked Tara & Phil, a couple who always open their house for internationals to stay over holidays, if i could stay with them in their spare bedroom and i would pay them rent. If they do permit, i have to pay only 1/3 of what i pay for the dorms to them! And i can choose to NOT get the compulsory meal plan for students staying in dormitories, that costs $1400 for disgusting and low standard food that's stale at times. This way, JM & I would have sufficient savings if we minus dorms+ meal plans, and we would be able to pay for my tuition fees alone, for this coming semester.
Tara is a lady of God who prays for me intensively since we knew each other from summer 2008 and we intercede and worship together often. As i asked her, i was silently weeping, and she said she would discuss it with her hubby, Phil, and let me know. How i prayed again, because this was the only way out , because JM & I really dun wish to bother our folks back home, whether they have the $ or not.
Then Tara told me they are in agreement to letting me stay! And she wanted to REDUCE the rent i offered her. I was astonished at her kindness and generousity even though they are not well off, they wanted to bless me. Such profound acts blow me off. But i did insist on what i wanted to give, because i know they will be blessed with it, more than i know.
Tara mentioned, as we wept together as we shared our troubles, that i gave though i need. But i saw HER needs, and as i compare my financial issues with others often, I know i am blessed no matter how bad a shape i am in, because God has brought me to America. I cried worse, because i have not seen myself as that person that she honoured me to be, giving out of what i lack. That struck me so hard encouragingly. My tears refused to stop. I praise God that He has brought me this far, though i worried and disbelieved and didn't seek Him, but he still brought me through these trials. Oh how wonderful is He? The Maker of Heavens and Earth. I am in awe of You Lord. Use me MORE than what i expect or imagine. Blow my mind and heart away for You. I want to be more of a blessing than i can be. Oh how He loves me, MORE than what i ever expect and demand. He DIED for ME. Oh Lord, how much more can i offer back to You? My Saviour, my soul aches and longs for You. How i YEARN for the day that we will see each other face to face. I pray that i will be able to accomplish what Your purpose in my life and i will walk in Your ways forever and ever.
And may all who reads my blog be encouraged.
For God is good, even when we do not feel so, but He never fails.
Thank you to all who have been by with me through this and praying...
